lonely

This picture was posted by one of my friend in instagram. It was really appealing since the light and shadows were making patterns and reflections which we couldn't resist to mark in to the sketchbook.  I don't believe I've done justice to this one. But with my limited watercolor skills I've captured it and here's the result.

Interpretation of dreams

We don't meet everyday.  Once in every week, to be precise on saturdays we meet at our off-campus class room. She was beautiful, in fact dream girl for many of my batch mates. I admired her beauty, smile and womanhood.  Though we've never talked, occasional smiles while passing by implied that we were not total strangers! which made me feel good :).
One fine day (a Sunday, usually our semester exams happen on that day) before the exam schedule, she stopped me midway of the stairs heading to the exam hall. 'Yes, weird things like this may happen before exams that's quite natural'...... I thought. For the first time she talked to me....... I responded well as was awaiting a chance like this. She started off the conversation with the exam syllabus and gradually moved to out of syllabus. I could make out the envious looks from my batch mates passing the stairs. I covered them with a gentle smile and continued the conversation till the bell went, after which we both departed to the respective class rooms.
Before commencing the exam there was a hustle and bustle in the classroom where she was headed, somebody calling up for ambulance and things like that.  A few minutes later I came to know that the beautiful girl whom I've talked to some time back has fainted down and... gone.  I was struck!!! the condition was made even worse by the fact being I was the last one she had talked to. Exam got postponed. God! I was sweating inside that air conditioned room, and my heart pounding as every one started staring at me as if I've done something wrong.
Suddenly I woke up and realized that I was drenched in sweat, even at that winter night. Rest of the night was horrible but managed to get a few more hours of sleep. The very next day(I saw that girl, she was perfectly fine..... sigh.) after reaching home finishing the exams, I put this as a challenge on my roommate, to interpret it for me(he opted psychology as mains for the national administrative exam - and that made him our informal counseling psychologist).
He started off with his questionnaire:
* 'Do you have any special interest on that girl?'.....I said a flat 'NO' even though it was not that true to the core.
* 'You don't like to write exams right :)?' that was his second question. I couldn't speak back a single word, just to cover up my surprise I smiled at him. What else can you do when you're caught point blank?
sps. 

she disappeared in to the crowd.

It was a journey as usual by train, back to the silicon valley of India. It's a one night journey for me, infact for many onboard to reach their work location after spending the weekend with dear and near ones.


I woke up early in the morning(which is a very rare thing). By that time most of my fellow passengers were up and busy sorting out their luggage and stuffs, I cursed myself for not booking a train that would have reached a bit more late. While reaching out for my shoes below the lower birth, I saw a beautiful girl,  nice sight to start a day with!!!. She was so beautiful that I quickly(but in a controlled way) got up, had a face wash and even put on my glasses to get a clear vision.

Strands of hair flying in the air, gentle smile on her face, her wheatish brown skin in the morning sun and the shades in her body formed by the moving train .  I couldn't take my eyes of her, she was such a beauty!!! From there on artistic and the aesthetic senses took over. I wanted to make her my next subject, to be freezed in to my sketchbook. But somethings cannot be locked up, you have to set them free to enjoy the beauty (dear friend you'll not see her sketch here). I thought n number of reasons to get her attention, she was least interested :(.  And was busy with her cellphone tapping as if there was bugs running in the screen, in fact she was composing some message. Why this girl is typing such a long message? why can't she just ring  and speak up? whatever, in total she swept me away. Finally the destination reached, as my other hundreds of failed love at first sight, this girl also departed.

part II
(usually I don't drag this much for blog posts. Yes I know it really sucks but the situation here demands it, hence this part).
I hurriedly got in to a bus to reach my home at earliest, there were no window seats vacant as some lucky souls occupied them but I got a normal one(Yes, I do love the window seats). Gradually the bus got crowded, and to my surprise found that same old girl with her backpack, struggling to keep herself stable in an overcrowded bus. She managed to keep her bag below a seat and again started to tap her phone.  Man! what is wrong with this girl? why is she doing this kind of stupid things?

The conductor was asking her for the destination point, she simply turned her phone and showed the text she made in it. God! I was frozen seeing that, she was a mute. The next 15mins of my journey, I was simply observing her with some unexplainable thoughts. She got down in a stop before mine and disappeared into the crowd, but she's still there in my memory...

sps.

Moments!

Have you felt content for no reason? I would say I'm lucky that I've experienced that a couple of times. You may think me as a Psycho as you skim through this post. But I must admit that it's a very nice experience(being content for no reason). Many places I've seen/heard about "live in the present", "live as if today is your last day on earth", WTF how is it possible when you have hundreds of things going in back of your mind?  I don't understand. How's that possible? simply rubbish . You may be expecting some tips or explanations for the statements that I just made above(in fact made by some intellectuals) sorry to disappoint you dear friend I don't have any. It's your life and you have to live it, no one can help it. I've read lot of self help books and shits but nothing works because its different for different people, something worked for someone doesn't mean that it'll work for you too. "Only I can find what I want". I'm finding a bit released after typing this, because I'm coming out of the shell now. "live freely, open up, speak up your mind, don't mind what others think", I've heard all these things but is it possible? obviously the answer from my side is a big NO even without a second thought. Yes I can't just go to his cabin and start firing him. I can't go and propose a girl just like that. it all has it's own constraints. May be its because of my second thoughts, a don't care attitude person might have said yes for the above questions. That's why just some few sentences above I came up with the point that every individual has his/her own thing that would work and things that would not work. What do you say on this??? No, no need to comment on it here, you can mail me :)

sps.

cigarettes

I've tried it but didn't felt anything special so just gave up. Some days back I came across a feature on e-cigarettes, from then on the thought of blogging about cigarettes was back in my mind.
I've seen many people who're addicted, and even know the pain of loosing my friend to cancer.  I've came across people who genuinely want to have a control over it but couldn't(giving weird reasoning and explanations). The most funny and interesting explanation that I received was this one and was from my former room mate, he's in his early 30's, here it goes 'Cigarette is a friend that I've met while in college, who has given me company while doing late night assignments and also the sleepless nights before the exams, and how can I let go this dear friend for the sake of  a few more valid days to my life'. I was dumb stuck by this innocent explanation, thereon I've never talked anything about cigarettes to him.
It's okay in a bachelor/spinster life since we don't need to answer anyone, but after marriage if  spouse doesn't likes it........... hm you guessed it right... you're going to screw it up.

Mustache is the main culprit in carrying the smell of  smoke, so if there's mustache beware, clean up to remove the smell before you reach home(and that's one task down for the clean shaved guys :)), in addition to this, after smoke a mint would help reduce the smell. Whatever, if one is mature enough to stop this habit it's good for all.


PS:
I've heard some of my married friends giving a three minute frencher before the other gets into the apartment. Might be there's a hidden motive behind that...

people

The thought of some people gives a seotonin(happy hormone) rush, while the thought of others makes us feel depressed and gives a sting of hatred. All this happens because of the experiences we had with them. I'm not discussing about the fair people around me, whom I had known for a long time. This is about the "sthayi bhavam", after all first impression is the best impression(its not so- at least for me). I've met lot of people with a facial expression that reflects 'all the troubles in the world is with them'. And I've also met people (note: who are not fair) but have a pleasant smiling face, oozing with confidence. I admire them and wonder what thoughts are going inside them. I wish I could chase them and learn how they maintain that bhavam. Its not the makeup, color or build that makes them stand out, but the mere pleasant mood. But how did they manage to get in that mood? and, remain in that mood through out? I'm still searching for the answer...